Two Weeks

Today my 9 year old said, "It has been two weeks since great-grandpa died" and I said, "Yes, it has been." The next words out of her mouth brought tears to my eyes, and again as I type it. She said "Groundhogs day will never be the same for us."

First, the amount of empathy that she is showing is huge, plus the awareness that she has about what these days mean. I know that this loss has effected us all deeply, in ways I never would have even thought about.

I have been having a lot of trouble sleeping today, and I woke up sad. I realized it was two weeks all day today, but I also realized that I have lost the last person in my family that I could truly count on to help me out, or to be there for me.

Now to be fair, my dad and step mom have been stepping up and really helping out a lot. I am cautiously accepting all of the help they are able to offer, but I keep waiting to be disappointed again.

I made it through the work day and started running errands with the girls. My cell phone rang and a familiar name popped up, I answered the phone and got greeted with unexpected questions. It was the foster father for my niece, it seems my uncle sent a text to the foster family to my nephew. They were all concerned about the news they had received. A week and a half ago my sister was arrested again, I believe for parole violation, but I have not heard anything about what is going on. I let them know what I did know and told them to please call me anytime.

While I was on that call I realized that I am the one now that everyone is going to turn to. Even more so now than before. Grandpa had made sure to keep a bond with the extended family that has been in foster care for 6.5 years.

I am the one that has to call everyone to keep them informed. It is a bit overwhelming to me. This was just a small example of a time when Grandpa would have made the phone calls. He would have carried this burden and never asked for help. Now it is up to me.

Two weeks, I suppose it will get easier. Today was not that day.