The Vigil begins

Yesterday, January 31, 2011, I went to work as normal and then arrived at the hospital at about 4:30 pm.

It was a day I had planned on staying at home and sleeping in my own bed, once I arrived I knew that was not to happen. Grandpa's breathing had begun to slow and his heart rate was slowing, we all thought it would be the night. I made arrangements to stay here and began to make phone calls.

At 4:30 pm he stopped swallowing, so we were asked to not swab his mouth any longer. All medication would need to be given through his IV. He started to take Fentanyl and a Valium type drug through his IV and he receives atropine orally for the mucus build up in his throat.

He can have the Fentanyl every hour and the Valium every 5 minutes. He began that and we have kept it up as long as he appears to be struggling. Sometime in the night he breathing slowed to 3 times per minute and we were sure this was it. He rallied and began to breath more frequently, and got up to 16 breaths per minute during the first day of February.

I have chosen to stay with him as much as I can, as his end is growing near. His sister and brother have stayed as much as they can, and my biological father stayed the night, last night, as well.

He had many visitors and many well wishes have come through phone calls and emails. I have been in tears most of the past two days. I have enjoyed some quiet time with this man, and really have made the most of our last moments together.

While I know everyone mourns differently, I do not understand why some people won't come see him until it is nearly too late. He may be able to hear us, but he can't say what he wants to say to us anymore. I am very happy that I was able to talk to him in the last few days he was conscious.

We said what was in our hearts, and I will never regret the time I have devoted to him. He would have done it for me, and this is the last tribute I can give to him